Columbia Sportswear introduces Tauntaun fleece

HOTH – Outdoor enthusiasts –- like those that frequent extreme hiking and skiing climates like those on planet Hoth – can now withstand the cold for up to four extra hours, thanks to the new Columbia brand Tauntaun Fleece Jacket.

The revolutionary technology used in producing the coat – made from a hybrid fiber consisting mostly of tauntaun snow lizard innards – actually ‘repels’ the cold “like Rain-X2 repels mynok saliva,” said 9Tech scientist Ribtoo Syrrosa.

“I wouldn’t use it as an excuse to get stupid, but it could probably keep you outside for a few extra hours on a cold Hoth night,” he added. 
  Though a Columbia spokesdroid indicated that a single tauntaun can produce enough insulation material for 341 jackets, some experts fear that increased popularity of the tauntaun coat could deplete an already endangered species.

Hoth “visitors” think it’s worth it. “We can actually work well into the night building temporary satellite posts. The coats may smell bad, but they keep us warm until we get the shelters built,” said Bren Derlin, a “tourist” on Hoth.

Other researchers have deemed the jackets a potential danger, saying their pungent odor can attract wandering wampa creatures, whose primary hunting hours are in the early evening. 
   Derlin and his crew don’t seem concerned.

“We’ve got ways of combating anything out here ‘probing’ around. And wampas seem to be attracted more to sounds than smells. Unless they hear the whirr of an astromech or the sound of a wounded tauntaun, they don’t usually come near the Ion Cann–er, shelter. At least, they don’t seem to show up on our life-form sensors.”