Well, you asked for it.  Here it is.  THE LIST Part 6 (not to be confused with Leonard Part 6.) Home

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12/04/02

teakiyari [11:09 PM]: i just got insurance against not shaving. Stubble Indemnity
Andylangager [11:10 PM]: and we have a list vi

siskow2: Hey jerko
teakiyari: What’s up Sir jerks a lot
siskow2: how’s life west of here?
teakiyari: bore-e-gon
siskow2: Iowish I could think of a pun for my
state, but I’m drawing a blank
teakiyari: I won’t Nebraskya again
siskow2: Idahope not

12/05/02

teakiyari (12:41 PM): I'm opening a presidental shrub
cleaning service. I'm calling it George Bubble-U Bush

teakiyari (1:15 PM): Have you seen my screenplay about
cops that try to keep certain people from becoming
citizens of Holland? It's called The Un-Dutch-ables

12/09/02
McWudzy [11:31 PM]: I just heard... the news today... It seems that vowels... are
here to stay... so I dot my I's... cause they open every door... it appears consonants...
are needed no MOOOOORE....
McWudzy [11:31 PM]: With I's, why'd it open?
McWudzy [11:31 PM]: With I's why'd open?
McWudzy [11:32 PM]: Yet still I cross my T's, but they no longer please
McWudzy [11:32 PM]: With I's why'd open?
McWudzy [11:32 PM]: Open every do-or

12/10/02
teakiyari [9:54 PM]: I've been working on one about a guy trying to close the borders of the US and remove illegal immigrants. I call it The Mexorcist

12/12/02
(andy trying to shut a wardrobe-closet door) clothes!

12/15/02
teakiyari [12:36 AM]: what did the sailor say when he looked out his porthole
and saw a seagull talking about dreams and the subconcious
Andylangager [12:37 AM]: i give up
teakiyari [12:37 AM]: "It's a Jung-gull out there"

12/27/02
McWudzy [12:39 AM]: at 8 months, my dog was making me breakfast, using the toilet, and earning six figures
McWudzy [12:39 AM]: all at the same time
Andylangager [12:40 AM]: hah
McWudzy [12:40 AM]: with one eye closed, hopping on 3 feet
Andylangager [12:40 AM]: ours is about 10 weeks
Andylangager [12:40 AM]: she's doing my thesis for me
McWudzy [12:42 AM]: the dog can't keep doing everything for you. you'll lead nothing but a sheltied life
McWudzy [12:44 AM]: sorry

1/7/03
teakiyari [10:53 AM]: My latest screenplay is about a cop who is surrounded by corruption and fights back by noisily easting soup. It's called Slurpico
teakiyari [10:53 AM]: the sequel, in which he has finished the soup,
will be called Burpico

1/12/03
Andylangager [11:06 PM]: i'm going to make a movie about soviets invading isu and only the general manager of a budding campus tv station can save the day.. it's call red don
Andylangager [11:12 PM]: after that i'm going to make a movie about a dancing
instructor/radio station employee who gives exotic dancing lessons to an innocent
girl in the early 1960's.. it's called dirty doncing
teakiyari [11:13 PM]: I'm making one about a radio station employee who tattles
on his siblings about being left alone. It's called Don tell Mom, the Babysitter's Dead
teakiyari [11:17 PM]: The title song will be the elton john classic revenge anthem,
"Don let the sun, go down on me"
teakiyari [11:18 PM]: crashity crash crash
Andylangager [11:19 PM]: sounds a little like my movie about marines trapped on the gritty streets of mogadishu... black hawk don

1/21/03
teakiyari [10:38 PM]: Would like some wookie soup? I call it Stew-bacca
Andylangager [10:39 PM]: you win
teakiyari [10:39 PM]: what?
Andylangager [10:40 PM]: just in general.
Andylangager [10:40 PM]: i scanned my brain for another star wars food pun. nada.
teakiyari [10:40 PM]: wow, I thought I was gonne have to pull out the matza ball wookie soup, Jew-Bacca
Andylangager [10:42 PM]: well, there is always sy's-noodles
teakiyari [10:42 PM]: i eat that with some C-3POatmeal
Andylangager [10:43 PM]: just don't get Boba Fatt

teakiyari [11:17 PM]: If I were robert redford, I'd drive a blue chevy and drive
around honking my horn and yelling "IRONY" out of the window

1/22/03
teakiyari (12:45 PM): if you kill someone by choking
them with a pool triangle, is that called Striangulation
Andylangager (12:46 PM): i'm going to cirkill you
teakiyari (12:47 PM): Please, square my life

Andylangager [11:09 PM]: if i were simon cowell i would come up with more clever ways of dismissing people on american idol.. like..
me: knock, knock
contestant: who's there
me: you suck
teakiyari [11:10 PM]: if I were simon Cowell, I'd be all "sorry, you are not good"
and the contestants would be all "ya-huh" and I'd be all "nope" and then they'd be all
"whateva" and I be all "pssshhh"
Andylangager [11:16 PM]: i'd be like, "you put the DULL in idol, baby!"
teakiyari [11:17 PM]: I'd be all "It's called American Idol, not
American....person...who...sucks..alot."
Andylangager [11:17 PM]: or, "american idol? more like iraqi idol. because they
probably don't sing a lot there and therefore not very good. like you!"
teakiyari [11:18 PM]: "Let's just say that if Indiana Jones tried to replace you with
a bag of sand, no boulder would come or anything like that, because you are not an idol"
Andylangager [11:19 PM]: hah
teakiyari [11:20 PM]: "If you were a punk rock singer, you're name would be Billy "Not going to be the American" Idol
Andylangager [11:21 PM]: "your car running in park is closer to idol than you'll ever be!"
teakiyari [11:22 PM]: "This is American Idol, not American I Dull, which you'd win
because you dull"

1/23/03
teakiyari [7:34 PM]: i have just finished a script about a nihilistic performer who
tries to dance the world into destruction. I call it "Tap-pocalypse Now"

1/24/03
teakiyari [10:39 PM]: I am really close to renting alphaville again
Andylangager [10:41 PM]: i liked the sequel better. betaville
teakiyari [10:41 PM]: I like the all-dog version "alpoville"
Andylangager [10:42 PM]: or the plucky kid comedy, "alfalfaville"
teakiyari [10:43 PM]: me too. I also enjoy the arab food version "falafalville"

1/29/03
LastDmcdon [9:35 AM]: i'm going to deliver a state of the union address
Andylangager [9:36 AM]: i'm going to deliver a state of the onion address
LastDmcdon [9:36 AM]: broadcast live on the food network.
Andylangager [9:37 AM]: it will have a lot of appeal
LastDmcdon [9:37 AM]: it'll move people to tears.

2/5/03

teakiyari [9:43 PM]: I'm working on a script about the largest log canoe ever built.
It crashed on its maiden voyage. I call it "Titan-stick"

teakiyari [10:32 PM]: i want to be a superhero with a super sense of irony
Andylangager [10:32 PM]: he can only kill people in ironic ways
teakiyari [10:34 PM]: His alter ego would be a wealthy socialite named Ignatius Ronald
teakiyari [10:34 PM]: or I. Ronnie
teakiyari [10:34 PM]: or perhaps is alter ego is a superhero, that'd be ironic
Andylangager [10:35 PM]: he'd have bad eyesight in one eye and have to wear a single lense with a metal frame- his "Ironical"
teakiyari [10:37 PM]: he'd a have a robotic sidekick who was actually a old woman
who thinks she's a robot. The Bironic man
teakiyari [10:38 PM]: he could attack his enemies with the "bubironic plauge"

2/9/03
teakiyari [10:33 PM]: I just finished my new screenplay. It's about a Muslim who is
trying to shake her annoying boyfriend. I call it Hajj to lose a guy in 10 days

2/12/03
(talking about French Film)
Andylangager [11:06 PM]: well, at the time they were probably impressed that the french could string together anything without talking about croussants or baggettes
teakiyari [11:08 PM]: yes, the need to break away from that was exacerbated by
Jean Renoir's failed attempt "The Days of Croissants and Baggetts, Wait No I Mean, Shit I Screwed it Up!"
Andylangager [11:09 PM]: or Goddard's "Sac-le-blue! It's Baggetts and Croussants!"
teakiyari [11:10 PM]: and Cocteau's artistic classic "Pierre Stuffs His Facehole with Bread"
Andylangager [11:13 PM]: my personal favorite is "better off bread"
teakiyari [11:13 PM]: I like "doughnly the lonely"
Andylangager [11:14 PM]: but what about "the yeast also rises"
Andylangager [11:16 PM]: or "the gods crust be crazy"
Andylangager [11:17 PM]: or even the indie hit, Rye Big Fat Greek Wedding
teakiyari [11:18 PM]: Pumpnickelas Nickelby
Andylangager [11:19 PM]: Bun Lola Bun
teakiyari [11:19 PM]: UnfaithRoll
Andylangager [11:19 PM]: Sophie's Choice (About What Kind of Bread to Get)
Andylangager [11:20 PM]: The Bread Violin
teakiyari [11:20 PM]: Herbie Goes Banana Bread

2/15/03
sean412 [11:54 AM]: did John tell you about the renovations I made to our new place?
Andylangager [11:56 AM]: nope
sean412 [11:57 AM]: I had an early 90s R&B group move into the basement.
sean412 [11:57 AM]: I added a New Edition

2/16/03
teakiyari [3:34 PM]: plus my script about a Campbell's soup employee who discovers a web of corruption at his plant. It's called Soupico

2/17/03
aaron: the reason I don't like julia roberts is that every movie she
is in becomes a "julia roberts" movie
andy: except maybe hook
aaron: well, that was her smallest role.

2/19/03
Andylangager [7:39 PM]: i want to built a monument to four presidents out of snow and call it mount slushmore

2/25/03
teakiyari [10:35 PM]: oh man, i don't remember, i think it was about a movie about a
robotic marshmallow treat that finds love, it's called Heartpeeps
siskow2: I'm toying with a Simpsons movie idea based on Bart's new job as a wheat harvester. It's called "Bartreaps."
teakiyari: I've got one about a guy who creates a robot who falls in love and then writes a song about wearing eyewear at inappropriate times, it's called Corey Hartbeeps
siskow2: What about the one about the caddy who tries to get work by stealing an entire country club's supply of golfcarts and piles them in the local landfill...."Cartheaps."
teakiyari: that might play well with mine about two clerks who work at a convenience store and are lambs "Martsheeps"
siskow2: Or my three-hour epic in which the former host of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" cries for the entire movie: "Artweeps"
teakiyari: or the one about the leaky breakfast pastry "Tartseeps"
siskow2: similar to the one about the guys who are in charge of the recreation items at a town tavern: "Dartkeeps"
teakiyari: that sounds like the one about a pill that makes you smarter as you nap, "smartsleeps"
siskow2: What about the classic with the methane-powered SUVs? "Fartjeeps"
teakiyari: i was waiting to see who would use fart first
siskow2: i caved
teakiyari: i was about to
siskow2: i wanted to wait until I could get something semi-logical
siskow2: methane powered vehicles never fail
teakiyari: yeah, and fartseeps would have been too gross

2/27/03

teakiyari (2:06 PM): I have to admit that Mr. Perfect's death was flawless
Andylangager (2:07 PM): he died of steroids.
being pile-drived into a big box of steroids.
teakiyari (2:17 PM): if I were dan rather, i'd use my
name constantly. Like "Pie sounds good, but Dan Rather enjoys cake"
Andylangager (2:17 PM): would his job as a late night
talk show host be considered moonlighting
teakiyari (2:18 PM): unless he had a contract that was unbreakable
Andylangager (2:18 PM): i bet people tuned in and said, "look who's talking"

(spss is a statistical program)
Andylangager [11:56 PM]: will you be spssing tomorrow
siskow2 [11:56 PM]: i don't think so
siskow2 [11:56 PM]: i'm too spssed off
Andylangager [11:57 PM]: i'd put that on the list but no one else would know what that is

3/1/03
teakiyari [11:49 AM]: i've been working on musical instruments you can eat. I just
finished the Trombaloney
teakiyari [11:50 AM]: now i'm working on the Clarinut
Andylangager [11:50 AM]: those would work well with my musical dairy spread, trumpbutter

3/2/03
Andylangager [10:46 PM]: 3 months till list 6
teakiyari [10:47 PM]: six lists are my favorite candy
Andylangager [10:54 PM]: i'm working on a screenplay about starr jones and a
diamond heist.. it's called "cradle 2 the gravy"
teakiyari [11:02 PM]: I just finished my screenplay about a jewish kid who becomes
addicted to gambling. It's called Dradle 2 the Grave

3/4/03
teakiyari [10:59 PM]: i hate being sick
Andylangager [11:00 PM]: have you seen the version of star wars where all the characters constantly sneeze on each other? it was directed by george mucus
teakiyari [11:00 PM]: no but I saw the one done by the catholic church: Star Wars: A New Pope
teakiyari [11:00 PM]: man that was weak
Andylangager [11:01 PM]: that was a viral infect-pun

3/5/03
teakiyari [7:16 PM]: I'm writing a script about a girl who gets a guy to change religions. It's called "How to Jew a guy in 10 days"
Andylangager [7:18 PM]: i'm writing a comedy about two sexist geriatric men who play a mean prank on a blind girl. it's called "in the company of grumpy old men"
teakiyari [7:19 PM]: that sounds like my script about a country playing a prank on a
blind girl "in the company of Yemen"

sean412 [9:12 PM]: i like watching the news show with the cloned anchors
sean412 [9:12 PM]: ted koppelgangers
Andylangager [9:14 PM]: i prefer the always clean dan lather

3/11/03

Andylangager [9:37 PM]: did you hear about the philosopher vampire?
Andylangager [9:37 PM]: kant dracula?
teakiyari [9:38 PM]: count-agorical imperative, funny
(later)
Andylangager [10:04 PM]: have you seen the new urban terrorist-diva comedy starring gabrielle union and osama bin laden? "axis of eva"
teakiyari [10:04 PM]: that's it, i'm out
teakiyari [10:04 PM]: of everything

3/12/03
Andylangager [11:30 PM]: new from nabisco- moonlight graham crackers. the only snack never to get up to bat in the majors
siskow2 [11:30 PM]: you're dead
Andylangager [11:30 PM]: they don't costner much
Andylangager [11:31 PM]: if you buy it, they will come with you
siskow2 [11:31 PM]: field of creams filling

--
(talking about foreign relations and impending war)

teakiyari [11:47 PM]: i just think its funny that we are buying support
Andylangager [11:47 PM]: turkey is holding out for a plasma screen tv in every shanty
teakiyari [11:48 PM]: i thought they wanted to be self-basting
Andylangager [11:48 PM]: they want to keep abreast of the situation
teakiyari [11:49 PM]: they barely have a leg to stand on
Andylangager [11:49 PM]: well, we could knock the stuffing out of them
teakiyari [11:50 PM]: or kick them in the giblets
teakiyari [11:50 PM]: we can just wing it
Andylangager [11:52 PM]: there's no reason not to put them in the
oven at 350 degrees for 4-6 hours. mmm... diplomacy
teakiyari [11:53 PM]: I'm sure they wouldn't be thanks giving, but rather resentment having

3/20/03
Andylangager (7:52:30 PM): yeah.. they needed someone that good to
play against jack. sooo.. looks like sopranos will still exist
Andylangager (7:52:35 PM): was worried for a while there
teakiyari (7:52:54 PM): me too. they could have always had ian mckellan play tony
teakiyari (7:52:57 PM): Gandalf-ini
Andylangager (7:53:19 PM): how long have you been sitting on that one
Andylangager (7:53:38 PM): its rotten
teakiyari (7:54:02 PM): rotten, or best joke ever?
Andylangager (7:54:19 PM): umm.. yeah, rotten
teakiyari (7:54:51 PM): What if he became Lord of the Bada Bing
Andylangager (7:55:41 PM): he better keep an eye on christerfrodo
teakiyari (7:56:54 PM): "woke up this morning, got myself a staff"

3/29/03
teakiyari [3:20 PM]: i'm retiring
Andylangager [3:21 PM]: but you're 5 weeks away from pension
teakiyari [3:21 PM]: i know, this is commonly known as retirony
Andylangager [3:21 PM]: boo.

teakiyari (10:28 AM): saw auto focus
Andylangager (10:28 AM): how was it
teakiyari (10:29 AM): pretty good. dafoe is creepy, the movie drags in parts
Andylangager (10:29 AM): was he da foe or da good guy
teakiyari (10:29 AM): da mn you

4/7/03
teakiyari [10:53 PM]: I'm working on a screenplay about a guy who loses most of his memory except for how to make freshmakers. It's called mementos
Andylangager [10:55 PM]: i've got nothin

Andylangager [10:59 PM]: i'm working on a movie starring matthew mcconaughey
and samuel l. jackson..
jackson is charged with tipping over a glass of milk and mcconaughey works to save him. it's called "a time to spill"
teakiyari [10:59 PM]: I've got that disease that turns you into a swedish actor
and then kills you, stellan SARSgard
Andylangager [11:02 PM]: do you remember that wrestler/GI JOE from the 80s who coughed on people till they died? SARSeant Slaughter...
teakiyari [11:03 PM]: no but I remember that Ed McMahon show about finding
disease: SARS Search
teakiyari [11:05 PM]: I like that Ace of Base song "I SARS the sign"
Andylangager [11:06 PM]: i was more into Anthrax at the time
Andylangager [11:04 PM]: i would always watch that show after watching my favorite movie channel... SARZ!

4/12/03
teakiyari [2:32 PM]: I'm almost done with my latest script. It's about a guy who
spends all of his evenings picking his nose. It's called Boogie Nights

4/13/03
Andylangager [2:24 PM]: time to coach my clothes clean, aka tom laundry time
teakiyari [2:24 PM]: booo!
Andylangager [2:24 PM]: yesss

Andylangager [5:43 PM]: the U.S. wants to go to war with other nations but i don't think they're Syrias
teakiyari [5:44 PM]: I was worried we were going to attack another country, so Iran
Andylangager [5:45 PM]: well, as long as we don't foul Jordan we'll be ok
teakiyari [5:45 PM]: Yemen, totally

teakiyari: I'm opening a fedora store for those people who feel blighted by the
almighty. It's called God Hats You

4/23/03
Andylangager [9:23 PM]: when a movie premieres at a french movie festival, is
it considered a cannes opener?
teakiyari [9:24 PM]: boo

4/24/03
teakiyari (10:52:03 PM)-->: I just hope they find plans to assassinate alan alda and Mike Farrell.  Weapons of M*A*S*H destruction
siskow2 (10:52:44 PM)-->: CNN says they're not Farr off
teakiyari (10:52:57 PM)-->: did they see that on Radar?
siskow2 (10:53:19 PM)-->: It was on the O'Reilly Factor

4/30/03
sean412 [11:39 PM]: tell Sonja to stop slapping me with a salmon
Andylangager [11:40 PM]: that reminds me of my favorite band.. phish styx
sean412 [11:40 PM]: oh no

5/18/03
teakiyari [6:13 PM]: i need to buy a dolphin
Andylangager [6:13 PM]: whys that
teakiyari [6:13 PM]: my life has no porpoise
Andylangager [6:15 PM]: hook, line and stinker
teakiyari [6:16 PM]: so close but yet sonar

5/19/03

(aaron)
"dawn wants me to make an appointment for her to get her stitches out.
she's going to go 'back to the suture.'"

5/29/03

Andylangager : it's bob hope's birthday today. they named a square after him in hollywood.
Andylangager : I guess it's hope to be square
teakiyari : SpongeBob Hopepants?

copyright 2003 andy langager