THE LIST 5

Apologies all around.  Yet again.  -Andy  Home

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6/10/02
McWudzy [12:47 AM]: dude, tyson KOed by lewis
McWudzy [12:47 AM]: 8th round
McWudzy [12:47 AM]: tysons gonna kill somebody for that
Andylangager [12:49 AM]: robin givens married him.. and she
graduated from harvard
Andylangager [12:49 AM]: i thought you like had to be smart
or something to go there
McWudzy [12:50 AM]: yeah, to go to harvard in mass... she went
to harvard community college in ohio
Andylangager [12:51 AM]: ohh
McWudzy [12:51 AM]: whorevard
McWudzy [12:51 AM]: hardy har harvard
Andylangager [12:51 AM]: if she liked to steal from monkeys
she'd be robbin' gibbons

6/12/02
(john about sean's website) "even in china, your website still causes me
to want to choke on a gorilla, or asphyxi-ape."

(sean- "List 4" late addition) dustin was talking about being sick or
something, and it was right after the nsync concert, so i said "is nsync still in town? i could call you an ambu-Lance"

6/13/02
(woodsie)
i take you out pete sampras style. monica seles on yo ass. reduce you to arthur asches.
dock your game at the davenport. agassi into your future and i'm gonna smashnova.
arantxa eat a sanchez in your vicario.

if gumby asked pokey to marry him, it'd be a clay court.
r kelley became interested in tennis after he found out you could "score 15-love"
if you shot into the net during the mid-morning mass, it'd be second service second service
i like pencils

- iroda tulyaganova

6/16/02
McWudzy [10:20 PM]: TENNIS
Andylangager [10:21 PM]: pick me up in 10 mins
Andylangager [10:21 PM]: we go to forker
McWudzy [10:21 PM]: sweeeEEEEEEEET
Andylangager [10:21 PM]: stick the fork in you you're done
McWudzy [10:21 PM]: stop forking around
Andylangager [10:21 PM]: forket about it
McWudzy [10:21 PM]: forkin' forker
Andylangager [10:22 PM]: what's the forkast?
McWudzy [10:23 PM]: check Fork News
McWudzy [10:23 PM]: all i know is the clouds have a silverware lining
Andylangager [10:27 PM]: whenever you are ready, glick
McWudzy [10:27 PM]: leaving now, see you spoon

6/17/02
(siskow) why was alec guiness and not liam neeson in bridge over the river kwai?
because it would be 'bridge over the river qui gon.'

the windtalkers soundtrack was done by the john woo tang clan.

6/20/02
McWudzy [11:28 AM]: dude, yer comin
Andylangager [11:28 AM]: where
McWudzy [11:28 AM]: disc golf in dis moines
Andylangager [11:28 AM]: dude you're getting a dell
McWudzy [11:28 AM]: dude you're getting a disc
Andylangager [11:29 AM]: we are shooting today
McWudzy [11:29 AM]: dude, don't disc me like that
Andylangager [11:30 AM]: i'm tee'd off
McWudzy [11:31 AM]: that joke was below par
Andylangager [11:31 AM]: a little birdie told me
McWudzy [11:32 AM]: then you picked a bogie and ate it
Andylangager [11:33 AM]: you'd save money if you shopped at fairway
Andylangager [11:34 AM]: i feel sorry for you being the putt of all jokes
McWudzy [11:34 AM]: gives me the drive to go on
Andylangager [11:36 AM]: eat a sandwedge, you'll feel better
McWudzy [11:36 AM]: it has lots of iron
McWudzy [11:36 AM]: so do greens
McWudzy [11:37 AM]: i eat fore a day
Andylangager [11:37 AM]: i'd rather have a club
McWudzy [11:38 AM]: with a chip
Andylangager [11:38 AM]: drinking a slice
Andylangager [11:38 AM]: listening to the strokes
McWudzy [11:39 AM]: that was ruff
McWudzy [11:40 AM]: i gave my wasp a buzz cut. now he's a frizbee
Andylangager [11:40 AM]: should give him a ride in your caddy
McWudzy [11:41 AM]: i'm not going to cart him around all day
Andylangager [11:41 AM]: well you better... one of the tires was flat. in fact, there was a hole in one
McWudzy [11:43 AM]: i told him he could sit in the rear while he studied his german, but he said 'back nein'
Andylangager [11:46 AM]: you win

6/23/02
(sean)
What's that show called on MTV where Ozzy roams around in an amnesia-like state?
Oh yeah, the Osbourne Identity.

6/26/02
McWudzy [1:59 PM]: why dont people talk in the future?
Andylangager [2:00 PM]: i see dead people
Andylangager [2:01 PM]: in the future no one can hear you scream
McWudzy [2:10 PM]: in 2050, mexican desserts are called fuchurros
Andylangager [2:13 PM]: if you get seconds, it's back to the fuchurros
Andylangager [2:15 PM]: if you do bad in school you'll get an F on your minority report card
McWudzy [2:17 PM]: if a gas station sold bad gas, there would be a Total recall
Andylangager [2:18 PM]: running with scissors is outlawed.. you'd be a Blade Runner
Andylangager [2:19 PM]: you could go shopping at the best window dressing place in town.. Planet of the Drapes
McWudzy [2:19 PM]: Doni and Marie's show is taken over by AI robots and called "Donimatrix"
Andylangager [2:23 PM]: and the band with the #1 hit.. Jefferson Starship Troopers
McWudzy [2:23 PM]: one of the few remaining pachederms saves the world... The Fifth Elephant
Andylangager [2:27 PM]: the best basketball player in the future is Flash Jordan

McWudzy [12:27 AM]: i'm gonna open up a dentally hygenic vomitorium called "toss and floss"
McWudzy [12:28 AM]: get ACDC to write a song about it called "Back In Plaque"
Andylangager [12:31 AM]: I'm gunna make a movie about dentists in the wild west and call it Young Gums
(andy leaves for 10 minutes)
McWudzy [12:42 AM]: there's that new one coming out about teeth playing a futuristic sport. it's called Molar Ball
McWudzy [12:44 AM]: it stars a bisexual foot that swears alot, also known as a bicussped
McWudzy [12:45 AM]: its tongues of fun
McWudzy [12:45 AM]: i spit you not
McWudzy [12:46 AM]: i could chew your ear off about it
McWudzy [12:47 AM]: if one of the olsen twins had a servant, she'd be master kate
McWudzy [12:49 AM]: fang you very much

6/27/02
Andylangager [6:06 PM]: wanna hit some tennis?
McWudzy [6:06 PM]: snazzi
McWudzy [6:06 PM]: lets do it
Andylangager [6:07 PM]: of courts
McWudzy [6:07 PM]: knock off that racket
Andylangager [6:07 PM]: deuce where's my car
Andylangager [6:08 PM]: wanna meet there or ride together?
Andylangager [6:09 PM]: the new will smith song has a good base line
McWudzy [6:09 PM]: whatever serves you better
Andylangager [6:11 PM]: let's meet at the courts we played at last time
McWudzy [6:12 PM]: sounds good. maybe i'll play better this time, but add out it
Andylangager [6:12 PM]: what time? 6:30?
McWudzy [6:13 PM]: o clay
Andylangager [6:13 PM]: agassi you there
McWudzy [6:13 PM]: i'm gonna whoop your sampras

6/30/02
McWudzy [8:25 PM]: if i were a cheese, life would be gouda
McWudzy [8:25 PM]: if i were alien cheese, i'd say "take me to your ledercron"
Andylangager [8:25 PM]: brie quiet
Andylangager [8:26 PM]: leave me provalone
McWudzy [8:27 PM]: you're a curd nerd
McWudzy [8:32 PM]: asiago a week ago, but i blue the opportunity
Andylangager [8:34 PM]: i'm moving to swisserland
McWudzy [8:35 PM]: if a horror film was made by a french novelist, it would be gorgonzola
McWudzy [8:36 PM]: background for the previous pun : Emile Zola, born in 1840, was a famous french novelist,
earning his living through journalism and his novels. shame on you
Andylangager [8:37 PM]: you're a cheese whiz
McWudzy [8:38 PM]: you spread it
McWudzy [8:40 PM]: if a semi-hard ball of cheese replaced the first man in the Bible, it would be the story of "Edam and Eve"
Andylangager [8:40 PM]: i'll make a stinky sandwhich out of your arms and legs and call it a limberger
McWudzy [8:45 PM]: i'll make a machine that slices cheese in the shape of that alphabet and call it the "Better Chedder Letter Shredder"
McWudzy [8:46 PM]: i've gotta mozarella....

7/2/02
sean412 [11:27 PM]: marshall mathers' death is emineminent

7/9/02
aimee: I broke the level
andy: but the level won

7/11/02
Andylangager [1:11 AM]: i want to get reverse tinted windows.. everyone can see in but i can't see out
sean412 [1:12 AM]: i had those once and i pulled a cop over

7/15/02
Andylangager [5:49 PM]: ebert didn't like reign of fire
teakiyari [5:50 PM]: is he breign dead?

7/16/02
Becci is pretending to swing a golf club next to her Contour
(andy) ford!

7/25/02
Danny is tired during shooting and falls asleep on an extension cord...
(andy) must be a power nap

8/2/02
(aaron to wade about his muscular neighbors)
they're the termineighbors

(aaron to andy)
the director of 8 Mile.. M&M. Night Shyamalan

8/6/02
(andy) why couldn't the man with the cell phone get in the building?
he hada nokia.

8/13/02
Andylangager [8:42 PM]: how is lawrence of kansasrabia
sean412 [8:42 PM]: pretty good
sean412 [8:42 PM]: it's a cool town
sean412 [8:43 PM]: they have a big wal mart, or as they call it, the mart-in lawrence
sean412 [8:44 PM]: we're thinking of inviting people down for a seafood fry on
our new grill, that's right, we're planning a lawrence fish-burn
Andylangager [8:46 PM]: sigh

8/15/02
(andy) would a knife made out of paper be a paper machete?

8/20/02
McWudzy [11:33 PM]: if Louis Jadot made a battery, it'd be alkiwine
McWudzy [11:34 PM]: if 3M made a faucet for whisky, it'd be Scotch Tap
Andylangager [11:35 PM]: of coors you would say that
McWudzy [11:35 PM]: you know it, bud-y
Andylangager [11:36 PM]: do you know who played obi wan kanobeer? alec guiness
McWudzy [11:37 PM]: they took a bunch of pictures of him, but they were just 100 proofs
Andylangager [11:37 PM]: i knew a guy who didn't like beer from the tap. he was a draft dodger
Andylangager [11:38 PM]: he had an ugly mug
McWudzy [11:39 PM]: stop Harp-ing on me, you stout halfpint
Andylangager [11:40 PM]: do i need to draw you a pitcher?
McWudzy [11:41 PM]: your a pour artist
McWudzy [11:43 PM]: i wanted to play 'hot potato' using a mexican baby, but they tossed me a cold Juan

8/21/02
(andy) i'm developing a new video game starring a fat tony hawk.
i'm calling it "skate or pie."

8/23/02
McWudzy [9:38 PM]: seen this new music dude on tv? he mixes music using the sound of popcorn popping.
he's an invalid from a mining town in Pennsylvania.
McWudzy [9:38 PM]: he's called the Oreville Bedridrocker
McWudzy [9:39 PM]: ba-dum ching... ouch

 

9/4/02
(talking about screenplays earlier)
(aaron leaves message on answering machine)
i was wondering if you knew how many sub-plots crimson tide had...

9/7/02
(talking about dustin wanting the spivey jacket back)

sean412 [10:19 PM]: guy gets a job and he's mister hey-i-want-my-goodwill-jacket-back
Andylangager [10:19 PM]: i don't think he got the spivey one at goodwill
Andylangager [10:20 PM]: i think he stole it from a hobo
sean412 [10:23 PM]: must have been the same one he got those hawaiian shirts from
sean412 [10:23 PM]: don hobo

9/10/02
(meyers)
"I only have a network devoted to to the music of old russian leaders.
The Czar Tune network"
(andy)
with sponge napoleon square pants
(meyers)
That network plays all the old hits like "Rasputin on the Ritz"
and "Vodka this Waya"

9/16/02
Andylangager [6:10 PM]: cody is doing weather right now on cy46
teakiyari [6:10 PM]: it's partly cody
Andylangager [6:11 PM]: nicely done
teakiyari [6:11 PM]: with a 78% jans of showers
Andylangager [6:11 PM]: now i punch you

teakiyari [11:16 PM]: did you hear about the Man of La Mancha as performed by
Buckwheat? It was called Don Qui-oh-tay
Andylangager [11:17 PM]: no, but i saw the version starring the
who's the boss star, called Man of La Danza
teakiyari [11:19 PM]: oh that's a good performance. i liked the sequeal SaMantha of AngeLa Monacha
Andylangager [11:24 PM]: or the warner brothers animated version.. with Wile E. Quixote
teakiyari [11:26 PM]: Or the one done by humor genius Jim Davis: Don Qui-Odie
Andylangager [11:28 PM]: or the one starring a mule that is hopped up on too much cocain.. Donkey O.D.

9/17/02
teakiyari [11:20 PM]: yes I play them with a sousaphone
Andylangager [11:21 PM]: the finest of the sousa-based instruments
teakiyari [11:22 PM]: much better than the "sousa-marching pipe organ"
Andylangager [11:24 PM]: or the ill-fated sousa-bass-violin
Andylangager [11:26 PM]: i heard eminem used one on his latest album, tho
teakiyari [11:26 PM]: yes, that fared as well as his line of pork products "Sousages"
Andylangager [11:26 PM]: i can play play 'green eggs and ham' on my seussaphone

9/22/02

Andylangager [10:53 PM]: i'm working on a script about a brooklyn ex-boxer who gets really depressed and finds
his own world in music and dancing.. it's called danza in the dark
teakiyari [10:54 PM]: I'm writing one about a tough as nails cop who teaches a
rich guys daughter about lewd dancing, it's called Dirty Danza
teakiyari [10:56 PM]: also a tv pilot about an ex-boxer working on an old west ranch,
I'm calling it Bo-Danza

Andylangager [11:04 PM]: have you seen greek wedding
teakiyari [11:04 PM]: nope
Andylangager [11:04 PM]: i saw it friday. i enjoyed it.. better than the preview looked
teakiyari [11:04 PM]: i've only seen "My moderately sized, emotionally restrained WASP wedding"
Andylangager [11:05 PM]: it was fatonetastic
teakiyari [11:05 PM]: how was fatone
teakiyari [11:05 PM]: nice pre-emptive fatone response
Andylangager [11:05 PM]: although i'm fatone deaf, so i dunno
teakiyari [11:05 PM]: spirited away isn't here, boo
Andylangager [11:06 PM]: emotions are much funnier when they are greek
teakiyari [11:06 PM]: that's why oedipus rex is still popular today
Andylangager [11:07 PM]: and all the gyro-based drama and comedies
teakiyari [11:08 PM]: like that dustin hoffman, geena davis movie, "Gyro"
Andylangager [11:09 PM]: or "Gyro've Got Mail"
teakiyari [11:09 PM]: or maybe, "Gyro-me Alone"

9/26/02
teakiyari [8:43 PM]: i am writing a script. It's about a deceased newspaper magnate and everyone's telling all these stories about him and his life
teakiyari [8:44 PM]: I call it Raiders of the Lost Ark
Andylangager [8:45 PM]: sounds a little like my script about a newspaper magnate who can only see the outer beauty of people until tony robbins hypnotizes him.. it's called Shallow Kane
teakiyari [8:46 PM]: Hmm, that sounds a little like my script about a newspaper magnate who is involved in a ship uprising. The Kane Mutiny
Andylangager [8:47 PM]: that sounds suspiciously like my movie about a russian newspaper magnate who is on a mission on a nuclear sub, it's called Kane-19
teakiyari [8:48 PM]: hmm, did you get that idea from my manuscript about a newspaper magnate who blackmails a cheerleader into dating him? it's called Kane't buy me love
Andylangager [8:49 PM]: no, it's a spinoff of a novel i'm writing about a scientist/newspaper magnate
who invents a pill that makes you forever happy.. it's called Brain Kane-dy
teakiyari [8:52 PM]: reminds me of my ribald renessaince novel Kane-turbury Tales

10/1/02
(In Cafe Beaudelaire, BK orders a pita sandwhich..)
(andy) my father the gyro

(Talking about playing Tecmo Super Bowl verses a bowl of ice cream)
(andy) must be super bowl sundae

10-13-02
Andylangager [3:33 PM]: did you hear about the new winter olympic sledding competition baz luhrman is directing? Moulin Luge

10/18/02
sean412 (2:25 PM): i got a job putting candy bars on shelves
sean412 (2:25 PM): i'm a heath ledger

10/19/02
teakiyari [11:41 PM]: speaking of intense, have you seen my latest screenplay about Patrick Swayze as a rebel hat that teaches a girl about love through booty-shaking? I call it Derby Dancing
Andylangager [11:41 PM]: i thought Fedora Welty wrote that one
teakiyari [11:42 PM]: a lot of people do, but it was actually done by Andy Cap

10/21/02

Andylangager (1:53 PM): i'm working on developing an 80's buddy cop show set in florida..
except the cops are actually a grain of food that is a staple in china. it's called Miami Rice
teakiyari (1:55 PM): That sounds like my show, except the cops are beer and it isn't in florida. Hill StreetBrews
Andylangager (1:56 PM): it's vaguely based on my sci-fi show set around Easter candy... Quantum Peep
Andylangager (1:58 PM): i'm also working on a show about an american WW II gun that is very advanced in his intelligence, and goes into practicing medicine at the age of 16.. it's called Doogie Howitzer, M.D.
teakiyari (1:59 PM): that sounds like the medical drama I'm working on that has donkeys and pirates as doctors. it's called EEEEE-ARRRR

10/26/02
at the rock bottom brewery restaurant
(aimee hits the wall) "i've hit rock bottom"

10/28/02
teakiyari [8:21 PM]: saw 8 1/2
Andylangager [8:21 PM]: fellinally

10/30/02
teakiyari [10:59 PM]: I have recently found the lord and have written a script about Jesus' short lived
doo-wap career. I call it The Last Temptations of Christ

(andy)
have you seen the new sketch comedy show on nickelodeon starring buddhist monks? "you kundun that on television"
teakiyari [2:55 PM]: hmm, maybe you'd like to hear about my script an Iowa State Professor who becomes the
Dali Lama. It's Called Steve Coondun

10/31/02
McWudzy [9:37 PM]: i caught my apartment on fire by dancing
McWudzy [9:37 PM]: combust a move
McWudzy [9:38 PM]: come on, i urned that one
Andylangager [9:39 PM]: i can't match that
McWudzy [9:39 PM]: sure you can, just try a little hotter
Andylangager [9:40 PM]: i re-fuse
Andylangager [9:41 PM]: i might just move to flint, michigan
McWudzy [9:41 PM]: i knew a guy who had beer in place of spinal fluid. we called him backdraft
McWudzy [9:41 PM]: i found an Irish utensil that's half fork, half spoon. they call it a spark
Andylangager [9:42 PM]: my favorite marx brother is zippo
McWudzy [9:43 PM]: my living room looks drab and cold. i think i'll refurnace
Andylangager [9:44 PM]: if you're ever flying in the dark, make sure to turn on the pilot light
McWudzy [9:44 PM]: i like burning boats cause they're flameboyant
McWudzy [9:44 PM]: you're such a gas
Andylangager [9:45 PM]: ever hear of the famous mathematician who kept lighting himself on fire? blaze pascal?
McWudzy [9:45 PM]: ever heard of the famous director who kept lighting famous mathematicians on fire? arson wells?
Andylangager [9:49 PM]: what about the crazy man who loved desserts, boats with oars? he was a pie-row-maniac
McWudzy [9:50 PM]: he lived next to my relative who wasn't smart about fire safety. she was my flame-retard-aunt
Andylangager [9:51 PM]: this is beginning to be torch-er

teakiyari [5:44 PM]: i've given up on movies and have written a pilot about jesus coming back to fight
crime in Florida. I call it "Miami Christ"
Andylangager [5:45 PM]: "he's risen from the grave- to squeeze some justice out of florida!"
teakiyari [5:46 PM]: He's come back to judge the living and the dead and all the scumbags on south beach
teakiyari [5:46 PM]: with a vengence
Andylangager [5:48 PM]: i'm going to revive an 80's action tv show where it's a stuntman crimefighter who
really loves autumn. it's called the fall guy.
teakiyari [5:48 PM]: you clearly stole that from me. except my stuntman was homosexual. The Fall Gay

11/6/02
teakiyari [10:47 PM]: Have we met? I'm the guy that pissed on President Reagen to impress Jodi Foster. My name is John Tinkle-y Jr.
Andylangager [10:48 PM]: what a coincidence.. threw a lactating cow at Abraham Lincoln. I'm John Milks Booth
Andylangager [10:49 PM]: i also threw a pig at robert kennedy.. i'm sir-ham sir-ham
teakiyari [10:49 PM]: You should meet my pal that tried to bind JFK to a piece of metal, Lee Harvey Osweld
Andylangager [10:52 PM]: what rhymes with Czolgosz
teakiyari [10:52 PM]: orange, i think
Andylangager [10:52 PM]: he shot mickinley. i think.
Andylangager [10:52 PM]: i'm him.
teakiyari [10:54 PM]: I danced John Lennon to death. I'm Mark David Tapman

11/11/02
teakiyari [10:27 PM]: Did you know TUMS played a part in Muhammed Ali's change of name?
Andylangager [10:27 PM]: no
teakiyari [10:28 PM]: It's true, he used to be Gaseous Clay
Andylangager [10:29 PM]: he also used to be a very clean fighter- he had his patented "soap a dope" move

11/15/02
(andy)
8 Mile doesn't have a typical hollywood ending.
it's got an eminending.

11/28/02
(andy)
would someone who wanted to outlaw trees be considered an arborlishionist?

(john)
James Cutter was the most famous of these until he
died after contracting a disease from wearing
protective headgear he got in Holland. That's right,
he died from Dutch Helm Disease

copyright 2003 andy langager