THE LIST IV.  What can I say.. they keep getting worse. Wow.  It's hard to believe it's actually been 2 years since the first list!  -Andy  Home

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1.8.02 - driving along on the interstate when a semi starts to move into our lane
(siskow) we were almost mergered

1.8.02 - McWudzy (10:29:22 PM): no sooner
McWudzy (10:29:43 PM): 1/8/02 at 10:30pm
McWudzy (10:29:55 PM): 24 hrs after that
sean412 (10:30:14 PM): i'll be waiting with baited bread
McWudzy (10:30:48 PM): at the very yeast, you loaf
sean412 (10:31:03 PM): doh, you took my next pun
McWudzy (10:31:08 PM): WOOHOO
McWudzy (10:31:24 PM): until wheat meet again
sean412 (10:31:42 PM): it's been veal nice
McWudzy (10:32:25 PM): i've got no beef with you
McWudzy (10:34:47 PM): sorry, that was lamb. but ewe know better.
sean412 (10:35:17 PM): sorry for the delay, i was on the phone with royalty-- Sir Loin called me
McWudzy (10:36:01 PM): i wouldn't take much steak in his opinion
McWudzy (10:36:21 PM): he keeps t-bones in his t-bucket
sean412 (10:36:39 PM): he is quite a ham
sean412 (10:37:01 PM): at least in his prime
McWudzy (10:37:08 PM): i'd like to meat him
McWudzy (10:37:18 PM): and cow
McWudzy (10:37:32 PM): no bull
sean412 (10:37:50 PM): used to be a runner, you can see it in his calves
sean412 (10:38:36 PM): he's always up for a good ribbing
sean412 (10:38:43 PM): i wouldn't kidney you
McWudzy (10:38:52 PM): that's what i herd
McWudzy (10:39:10 PM): he brings home the bacon
sean412 (10:40:08 PM): what a tender soul
McWudzy (10:40:56 PM): and a tender sole
McWudzy (10:44:05 PM): if i had a boxing hot dog, he'd be Oscar de la Meyer

(regarding alcatraz)
sean412 [10:39 PM]: they make it look so much bigger than it actually is
sean412 [10:40 PM]: the cellhouse part of it is actually pretty small
Andylangager [10:41 PM]: one celled organprison

sean412 (10:50:35 PM): sorry, i really did get a phone call, but from my moth hair
McWudzy (10:54:50 PM): hope i didnt bug you
sean412 (10:55:44 PM): gnat, it's okay, but i gotta go, clock is tick-ing
McWudzy (10:56:23 PM): time flies
sean412 (10:56:41 PM): i won't even app-roach that one

1/11/02 (andy) before chia pet there was pangea pet

1/14/02 president bush chokes on a pretzel and passes out....

sean412 [1:07 AM]: makes me feel safe
Andylangager [1:08 AM]: i wonder if it was assulted pretzel
sean412 [1:08 AM]: oh man

1/16/02
LastDmcdon: if bruce willis bought a house sitting on a hexagonal lot of land, would the boundary of the backyard be called "The Sixth Fence"?
Andylangager: no

1/17/02 andy and aaron are watching bill parcells on cnn
(aaron) i wonder if that's tiger woods' motto for advertising?
(andy) what.
(aaron) par sells.

(john) if james caan worked the tilt-a-whirl in november, would it be chilly caan carney?

(andy) so, you get lockjaw from tetnus, right? you stop on a nail and your jaw locks up for 7 years.
(john) seven years bad lock

1/29/02
(aaron) have you seen novocaine?
(andy) I've heard it's numb
(aaron) it was numb-er one
(andy) i can't handle the tooth

1/30/02

teakiyari: why did the gingerbreadman go to see a therapist
Andylangager: why
teakiyari: he had an edible complex
Andylangager: did you get my novocaine one
teakiyari: yes
Andylangager: if the central intelligence agency were
headed by a boy band would they be called the LFO-CIA?
teakiyari: or if they were a civil rights organization would they be the ACLFOU
Andylangager: if they all got sick they'd have the LFlu

2/1/02 talking about home towns..
(aaron) at least sheffield isn't by odebolt
(andy) by-odebolt degradable

2/9/02 watching evil dead 2.. some guy hits his head on a lightbulb, breaking it
(sean) he must be lightheaded
(aaron) he has a watt on his mind

2/12/02
(aimee) [I went with rua to] the taping of a mime skit for 1800 last night and we were all dressed up as mimes except for kevin and another girl and bridget said something about not wanting kevin to be the only one in the shot and i said "yeah, we wouldn't want him stealing the mime-light"

(woodsie)
pointing to dahlstrom's half eaten loaf of bread and a penny.
"what's that a penny loafer?" mike's reply "a penny loafer is a shoe."
woodsie "hey, i've still got some cents." "you better change your attitude."
"let's split, here comes the copper."

3/21/02
sean412: did you hear about Spike Lee's new alien movie?
LastDmcdon: no.
sean412: B.E.T.
LastDmcdon: boo.

3/24/02
teakiyari: i've created a villain for The Pope of Power
Andylangager: oh yeah?
teakiyari: Felonious Monk

3/30/02 (john)
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
Apri-clot

4/2/02
teakiyari [10:38 PM]: is goddard still alive
Andylangager [10:40 PM]: yes
teakiyari [10:40 PM]: hmph
Andylangager [10:40 PM]: goddard it
teakiyari [10:40 PM]: at first it was easy, then it goddard
Andylangager [10:41 PM]: my favorite bjork movie is dancer in goddard
teakiyari [10:42 PM]: my favorite play is waiting for goddard
Andylangager [10:43 PM]: goddard matey
teakiyari [10:43 PM]: oh goddard, you devil
Andylangager [10:45 PM]: i like the film noir.. sunset boulegoddard

4/3/02 (aaron)
what did chef boyardee say in the terminator 2 deleted scenes?
pasta la vista
(john) RaviolI'll be back

4/8/02 Andy and John have a pun-off
teakiyari [10:10 PM]: if burt reynolds was driving around his friend,
and they got into a car accident and burt reynolds died and his passanger
was sliced in two, the headline would read "Corpse and a half"
Andylangager [10:13 PM]: the fonz directed cop and half
teakiyari [10:13 PM]: knock knock
Andylangager [10:13 PM]: who's there
teakiyari [10:13 PM]: The Fonz
Andylangager [10:13 PM]: the fonz who
teakiyari [10:14 PM]: The Fonz just starting now that John is here
Andylangager [10:14 PM]: you die now

teakiyari [10:19 PM]: knock knock
Andylangager [10:19 PM]: who is there
teakiyari [10:19 PM]: Danza
Andylangager [10:19 PM]: danza who
teakiyari [10:20 PM]: Danza gonna make it big with Escape Velocity
Andylangager [10:22 PM]: knock knock
teakiyari [10:23 PM]: whose there
Andylangager [10:23 PM]: meyers
teakiyari [10:23 PM]: meyers who
Andylangager [10:23 PM]: meyers are hurting from all these terrible knock knock jokes
teakiyari [10:23 PM]: I don't get it. You're reading them, not hearing them
Andylangager [10:24 PM]: it's a pun
teakiyari [10:24 PM]: a what?
Andylangager [10:26 PM]: if the star of rambo made a movie about a guy who drives up hills in a manual transmission he'd be sylvester stallin'
teakiyari [10:27 PM]: if he wrote a love song it'd be "Stallonely have eyes for you"
Andylangager [10:29 PM]: if he made a romantic comedy where he makes plans to go out to dinner with multiple girls on the same night and hilarity insues, it'd be called "stallone for tonight?"
Andylangager [10:32 PM]: if bk ever opened a sandwhich stand on welch,
he should call it Kelley's Gyros
teakiyari [10:35 PM]: If Cody ever remade the Al jolson classic, he should
call it "The Jans Singer"
Andylangager [10:36 PM]: if one of the Wilson sisters went to a french film festival in the winter, it would be Chilly Cannes Carney
teakiyari [10:38 PM]: If One of the stars of Charlie's Angels became a
mortician, she'd be Drew Bury More
Andylangager [10:40 PM]: if the Peanuts character who liked Schroder moved to England,
her bathroom would be the Lucy Lu
teakiyari [10:43 PM]: If the Beatles cloned the star of The Sweetest Thing, then they could have Eight Diaz a week
Andylangager [10:44 PM]: if the former ISU 9 GM ever starred in a movie with Method Man and Redman, she'd be Spencer for Higher
Andylangager [10:46 PM]: if the star of the mask ever invented a portable weight lifting set, it would be Gym Carrey
teakiyari [10:48 PM]: If the star of Traffic relased her own line of cheese, it's be Catherina Feeta Jones

(originally by Sean, who denounces it):
LastDmcdon [10:21 PM]: what did the bored cannibal Jerry Bruckheimer say to Dustin
who was making the same dinner he'd made for the last two weeks?
Andylangager [10:21 PM]: i give up
LastDmcdon [10:21 PM]: arm again don?

4/15/02
teakiyari:is a retarded hobo a slowbo
LastDmcdon:a short hobo is a lowbo
teakiyari:a ballerina hobo is called a toebo
LastDmcdon:if hobos ever became extinct, would they be called dobos?
teakiyari:they would be nomobos
LastDmcdon: teakiyari:a hobo who wheezes alot would be called a blowbo
LastDmcdon:an artic hobo is a snowbo
teakiyari:a space hobo is an astrobo
LastDmcdon:if aaron was homeless, we'd call him siskowbo
teakiyari:if the pillsbury doughboy rode the rails, he'd be a doughbo
teakiyari:a spider hobo would be an arachnobo
LastDmcdon:the japanese pitcher who was supposedyl
really good but now has no job is now known as Hideki Nomobo.
teakiyari:a french guy pretending to be a hobo would be a fauxbo

4/16/02
teakiyari [10:35 PM]: Did you hear the terrible news?
Andylangager [10:36 PM]: no
teakiyari [10:36 PM]: Dolph Lundgren is quitting
Andylangager [10:36 PM]: he didn't already?
teakiyari [10:37 PM]: not officially
Andylangager [10:38 PM]: maybe he can fall back on his chemical engineering degree
Andylangager [10:39 PM]: http://us.imdb.com/Bio?Lundgren,+Dolph
teakiyari [10:40 PM]: he must have swallowed the formula for "meathead"
Andylangager [10:41 PM]: he should do a movie called e=mc murdered
teakiyari [10:41 PM]: "Noble Gases, Dangerous Men"
Andylangager [10:43 PM]: or a romantic comedy.. Carbon Dating
teakiyari [10:43 PM]: Magnesium P.I
Andylangager [10:44 PM]: Universal Solderium
Andylangager [10:44 PM]: Julius Caesium
teakiyari [10:45 PM]: I come in Peasium
Andylangager [10:46 PM]: dial N for nitrogen

4/18/02
teakiyari [5:49 PM]: you're a smellwad, smellwad
Andylangager [5:49 PM]: :/
teakiyari [5:50 PM]: :-8
Andylangager [5:51 PM]: don't make me vomit up my stomach, shovel the contents into your laundry, then swallow it again
teakiyari [5:51 PM]: i would simply wash my laundry, then empty the lint trap into your trousers
Andylangager [5:52 PM]: 'ol linty meyers
teakiyari [5:52 PM]: My friends call me G. Gordon Linty
Andylangager [5:53 PM]: oh no
Andylangager [6:01 PM]: you're hampering my progress
teakiyari [6:04 PM]: If I directed Mulholland Drive, My name would be David Lynt

8/24/02
(siskow) sprays himself with lysol diaper scented spray: "self-diapervation"

5/2/02
(siskow commenting on Kirsty Ally playing a Vulcan in Star Trek II)
"Look Who's Spocking Now"

5/3/02
john is so hungry he pretends to eat a lamp (andy) "light meal?"

5/17/02
talking about a pizza place run by a mummy (andy): Mummy Mia!

5/23/02
Andy: Why is Bronson Pinchot a bad baseball pitcher? He's too Balky.
Siskow: Why did R2D2 fly off the edge and not fall down? He took an R2Detour

teakiyari [12:03 PM]: Did you ever see that movie with Julia Roberts as a marine biologist?
teakiyari [12:03 PM]: It's called Sleeping with Anenome

5/28/02
(john) the mints with the flavor of occupied vietnam. Ho Chi Mints

5/31/02
Andylangager [10:53 AM]: did you hear about the new eddie griffin movie directed by the coen brothers?
sean412 [10:53 AM]: which one is that?
Andylangager [10:54 AM]: o' undercover brother, where art thou?
sean412 [10:54 AM]: d'oh
Andylangager [10:54 AM]: sorry
sean412 [10:54 AM]: should have known i was walking into something like that

6/3/02
(siskow) the director of pulp fiction worked at a coffee shop in ames, but decided to leave...his name was Quitten Taracinos

 

copyright 2003 andy langager