Alright.... THE LIST, Part 3. I know you've all been waiting for it. This one has some pretty good ones, and a lot of instant messenger puns.. and a big jump by Sean Corcoran in the number of atrocious puns. Way to go, Sean. I guess. Enjoy. (Hurray for Star Wars puns)   Home

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10/2/01 (john) slogan for movie show called "trailer home" - "u-haul should go see this movie."

10/4/01 (andy) story headline for jodie foster having a baby - "foster child"

10/5/01 (sean) about someone's shirt missing a sleeve - "i hope it was half off"

10/5/01 (john) "how do nerf balls fly through the air? inerfa."

10/10/01 (john) if an ape lived in chapin and built houses, would he be considered "harry chapin carpenter?"

(john) there should be a trivia show called "what do you lou ferrig-know"

(john) stan in 308 is like a foreign country. package-stan.

(john) about some packing styrofoam - "ET phone foam home"

(aimee) eeny meeni meini moni

(john) "if the star of Home Alone got a job laying bathroom tile, he'd be Macauly Caulk-in."

10/14/01 sean412: if i opened a fondue restaurant, the slogan would be "how much fondue you want to have?"

McWudzy: if i opened a jazzy lingerie store, i'd name it "kenny g-string"

(sean) on dustin taking a women's studies class: "don juan"

10/16/01 (aimee) so i got the camera and light kit and tripod for the 306 project we were
going to shoot tonight and dan is helping me bring it out to the loading
dock and the tripod strap holder together thing came off and the legs went
all over the place and dan said "it doesn't want to stay clamped. it's not a
happy clamper."

10/18/01 (john) If I were on a ship that was in the U.N. I would want to hang out in the
Butros Butros Galley.
(andy) on why North Dakota was so much smaller than Iowa in an atlas: it was a mistate
(dustin) it was an understatement

10/19/01 at hickory park, john's napkin falls on the floor.
john: my napkin has gone AWOL
andy: it's been kidnapkined

(john) who works the telestrator in an afghanistan football game? osama bin madden.
how do afghani firefighters get a cat out of a tree? with an osama bin ladder.
twettin to the oldies.

10/20/01
teakiyari: phil said the haunted forest was different than last year
Andylangager: oh ya?
teakiyari: ya
Andylangager: real chainsaws?
teakiyari: he didn't say, but he was missing a arm
Andylangager: hm. maybe it just cost more to get in
Andylangager: ba-boom ching

10/23/01 (siskow) if the musician featured in dirty dancing had a game show looking for a waffle on myrtle beach,
it would be called "where in the world is eric carmen's sandy eggo"

10/24/01 (siskow) a little debbie truck parked outside the union - "they supply the camponielle with ding dongs"

10/25 (john) teakiyari: I am going to make a theme restaurant based on movie critics, I'll have dishes with names like "Gene Shalad"
teakiyari: and for dessert "Roger Shebert"
teakiyari: maybe I'll make a action movie about a group of terrorists that
kidnap the president's dog and it's up to Gene Shalit to save him. It'll be
called "Thou Shalit not kill."
teakiyari: ooh or one where a guy gets a disease where he sounds and looks exactly like Gene Shalit and gets caught in some hilarious situations. It'll be called "Shalitosis"
teakiyari: or reunite the Coreys and do a remake of their classic body
switching movie and replace Jason Robards with Gene Shalit. I'll call it
"Dream Shalittle Dream of Me"

10/31/01 (andy) if john wayne, wayne newton, and olivia newton-john got married,
would they be john wayne newton john?

(john) for halloween i want to dress up with a skeleton outfit except on my leg instead of a bone
there would be a tuba... I'd be bad tuba bone.

(dustin) (about if brett ratner cast chris tucker in the hannibal lector prequel..) "do you
understand the things that are going into my mouth?"

11/5/01 watching the new star wars trailer (andy) R2 D2 looks sad. (john) R2 boo-hoo

11/6/01
Andylangager: if Luke Skylwalker had a teacher who was actually an awning, would he be Obi Wan Canopy?
teakiyari: and if his arch enemy were actually a teacher, would it be Darth Grader?
teakiyari: you know, I think it would...
Andylangager: if han solo had a friend on cloud city who had the record for most consecutive baseball games played, would he be Lando CalRipken?
teakiyari: ouch, I have been seriously wounded...If Han Solo's partner was also an established groovy pianst, would he be Chew Bacharach?
Andylangager: if jabba the hut's personal servent ate really messily and had to cover
himself, but only once in a while, would he be Bib Fortonight?
teakiyari: oooh that's good, or if he had to cover himself when eating fish he could be Bib For-tuna
teakiyari: If I had a strange obsession with bounty hunters with Mandolorian armor, would I have a Boba Fettish?
Andylangager: if obi wan's master opened up a facility to work out, it would be Qui Gon's Gym
teakiyari: If the alien who led the second Death Star Assault opened a restaurant, would he call it "Admiral Snackbar"
Andylangager: if the chief of security on Naboo had great breath, he'd be Captain Binaca
teakiyari: If the head of the Gungins got a job as a civil engineer, he'd build Boss Nash Bridges
Andylangager: if the gentleman who is also known as the emperor were here with us right now, would he be Senator Punpatine?
teakiyari: or if he had an orange juice line he could call it "Emperor's Pulpy Time"

11/8/01
teakiyari: my apartment smells like a tuna's butthole
sean412: that's crappie
teakiyari: that didn't help the stench
sean412: oh cod
teakiyari: cut it trout
sean412: i'll kick your bass
teakiyari: don't get ruffie
sean412: stop carping on and on about it already
sean412: you're being crabby
teakiyari: stop floundering and tell me how you really f-eel
sean412: whale, i'm ok
sean412: walleye gotta go
teakiyari: clam up jerk
sean412: i have an ex-salmon-ation later
sean412: hello? i'm urchin you to respond
sean412: don't want me to break out my mussels
teakiyari: you are my arch anenome
sean412: dude, i'll moose you up (?)
sean412: sorry
teakiyari: toad-ally
sean412: i was cow-nting on ewe for something butter
teakiyari: i'm gonna be sick
teakiyari signed off at 2:14:24 PM.

11/9/01 (sean) if Einstein was a rapper, would he be MC Squared?

11/11/01 (andy) my favorite dutch music group is Holland Oates

(andy) if the actor who plays commander riker had a cereal named after him, would it be frosted frakes?

11/27/01 (sean) if a person got a really bad rash on december 7th, would it be a day that will live in inflammy?
sorry.

11/28/01
McWudzy: no prob. hey, you get the email about no 308 class today?
teakiyari: yes I did
McWudzy: class cooncelled
McWudzy: doi
teakiyari: my soul has shriveled
McWudzy: i wish i had one
teakiyari: just keep collecting proof-of-purchases from Cap'n Crunch and you can send in for one
McWudzy: souled separately
teakiyari: forget I said anything
McWudzy: ha

12/4/01
sean: did you hear about the lord of the rings sequel starring john travolta? look who's tolkien?
john: or the tv drama, who shot j.r.r.?
andy: did you hear about the lord of the rings prequel starring whoopie goldberg? back in the hobbit.

(sean?) shaquielle o'neil might be starring in terminiator 3. (andy) "i'll be shaq."

12/7/01 - at king buffet
(aaron) lockhart has a couch in his pickup truck- don't have a couch, man

aaron is eating some pork.. (sean) just chew, man (andy) chew man fu

(john) if spelunking was a course at isu, I'd major in excivation and minor miner

12/12/01 (john) i'm opening a chain of candy stores based on famous
dictators and i'm hoping a best selling candy will be malomar kataffy

12/14/01
teakiyari [7:52 PM]: you know why the XL7-4A model of modem is so sexy?
It's because it has a hot baud

12/17/01 (john) gene shalit gave tony shaloub a shalute

12/19/01 Andylangager [11:07 AM]: what if Henry Rollins starred in a Renny Harlin movie.. would that be ironic
teakiyari [11:08 AM]: henry Harlin
Andylangager [11:09 AM]: if marlons brando starred in the next peter jackson movie would it be lord of the ring dings?
teakiyari [11:10 AM]: Lard of the Onion Rings
Andylangager [11:11 AM]: i wonder if in ali they will feature his famous religious boxing move, rope a pope
teakiyari [11:12 AM]: In the Mike Tyson film, they're gonna have him do his favorite move, the grope-a-dope

12/21/01
(chris?) someone thew this banana away
(john) i wonder why.. it's got mass appeal

12/30/01

Andylangager: malfunctioned 3 mile island circuit
McWudzy: books about clothes.. clothes with book printed on them..
McWudzy: clooks
McWudzy: TMI for life
Andylangager: not by choice for you
McWudzy: hells bells, i dont mind the 'glowing' thing so much anymore. great at parties.
McWudzy: just sit your leftovers next to me for a few minutes and they're steaming hot
McWudzy: easy to recharge, just lay out in the sun
Andylangager: you've got a warm heart. and arm. and leg.
McWudzy: i have a glowing personality.. and arm.. and leg
Andylangager: you'll be better by tumororrow
McWudzy: aye aye, kemo-sabe
Andylangager: you're my hiro...shema
Andylangager: and you'll never be bored.. you can always go fission
McWudzy: you da a-bomb
Andylangager: nagasaki it to me
McWudzy: as you wish, cher-noble highness
Andylangager: my favorite gene kelley movie is singin' in the uranium
Andylangager: he's a better singer than the nuke-ids on the block
McWudzy: whenever i stand under the missle-toe, i always get burned
McWudzy: when i look at Barbara Mack, I see B.M.
Andylangager: they girls always fallout when they see you
McWudzy: they cant take the heat
Andylangager: do you still have the silo wrist watch
McWudzy: no-rad

 

copyright 2003 andy langager